bulletproof.

In the words of the popular song "Bulletproof"...

This time baby, I'll be bulletproof.

Wouldn't that be the best? To go through life, not feeling pain. Resentment. Anger. Depression. Anxiety. Fear. No negativity, no issues.

We all like to think it would be the pinnacle of happiness.

I know this is kind of a cliche concept, but its the bullets in life that allow us to heal. Let me explain.

If we were never hurt, never in pain, never in need of healing or saving, how terrible would that be? We would be walking around like robots, only relying on our strength. Only relying on the fabricated persona of perfection we would have created within ourselves. Now I know if we never got hurt, we wouldn't need a lot of strength.

But actually, being in a vulnerable state is so beautiful.

It hurts, but it is supposed to. Without hurt, or pain, or discomfort, we would think we can live life on our own. No Savior to look up to, no God to rely on. What I am trying to say is that pain by itself is pain, but pain with God is beautifully necessary.

When I was little, and would scrape my knee or fall and get all bruised up, there was never a more comforting feeling than crawling into my mom or dad's lap and letting them fix whatever had been broken. Feeling their arms cradle me, and their fingers mend my wound is a feeling that could not have been achieved without getting scraped or bruised.

This is what God loves to do with us. He loves it when we run to Him and let Him heal our hearts, our minds. He loves to hear us call for Him, to hear us say that we need him because we do. Every minute we desperately need Him, and there is no denying it.

Lately, this has been a hard concept for me. I have been so preoccupied with trying to be a strong adult and handle myself that I nearly allowed myself to walk around bleeding. I almost allowed myself to think that I can fix whatever is wrong.

How wrong of me. Only God can take care of my heart. Only God can delicately handle my emotions and heal what is broken inside of my heart and mind right now.

Only God can be our bullet proof protection, because I know I am not and never will be bulletproof with my Abba.

running, falling, climbing.
I look up, I see a shadow;
clawing, scratching, reaching.
only black, only darkness below.

heart racing, hands numb.
can barely stand, or speak.
he pulls me in, draws me near.
I need only to stay, have no fear.

He reaches up, grabs the sky.
The black crumbles.
The light peaks through the cracks,
and I am here.

I am awake.
I am alive.
I am saved.
I am free.