3D.

Psalm 40:1-2
"He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure."

So, this is my blog.

Welcome.

I haven't published anything here for a while, mainly because I have not had anything really worth publishing.

However, God has been doing some stuff and I wanted to share how He is blowing my mind and changing my heart.

God is awesome. He works, he moves, he flips things upside down. Because upside down to me, a lot of the time, is right side up to Him.

Jesus has always been a name I've been familiar with. He was always a supposed priority, an entity that I knew I was supposed to fear and love and honor. And I honestly tried to, for about 16 years. I tried my very best to love Him, to serve Him, to tell others about Him.

But that's it. I tried. I  did this, I did that. It was all about me, all from my strength. I grew up assuming I had to stomp ahead and peer into the future, trying to grapple up all the strength in myself in order to propel myself forward even in the smallest of ways. I went on mission trips, I volunteered at church, I lead D-groups.

And I am not saying those are not good things. Those are all things that are good, and we should do as believers. But in my case, I unconsciously thought the results and actions I produced were God's reason for loving me.

I could not have been more wrong.

I attended Passion 2016 this year. A friend texted me right before the first session began, and told me to open my heart to God. Break the barriers down.

I did.

And God waltzed right in to my life and turned everything around.

Guys, I am HIS, and HE is MINE.

Nothing can change that.

He has called me out from the grave, out from insecurity, out from under expectations, out from legalism and trying (and failing) to do life my way.

He has wrecked my heart in such a sweet and merciful way.

I cannot help but to describe this as being in a 3D movie.

I was sitting in the right movie. I knew the actors, the general preview of the story. I had heard people talk about their experience at the movie, what emotional rollercoaster it took them on.

But I had been sitting in that movie for years, insisting I could see just fine what was happening without putting my 3D glasses on.

Ridiculous, right?

But when God put on my 3D glasses for me?

Everything, and I mean everything changed.

He has made my steps secure because he is now the person who has made clear the path for me to follow.

He is in all things, and all things exist for Him. He did not have to include me in his plans, but he loves me, so he did. He is CRAZY about you, about me, and wants so badly to flood hearts with his love.

Mondays are no longer dreary, but days that are complete gifts from the God and Author of Life, who paints each new dawn with his mercies and purpose.

All that is needed is complete, and I mean complete, surrender.

His plans will always, ALWAYS, surpass our plans. They have infinitely surpassed the plans that now law abandoned in the wreckage he plucked me from.

And though it is a daily struggle to fight against my flesh in order to go deeper in Christ...

the freedom in surrender is more magnificent than I could have ever imagined.

He is SO good, friends.

It's been a while.

Hello friends!

So, it's been a while since I blogged anything. I doubt you noticed or even cared, but if you did- well, that's cool too.

In my last post I declared to all of you how God has been working on His plan for my life, and how that plan has now lead me away from theatre and toward sociology/ international relations as my major. I started school two days ago, and let me tell you- this has not been easy.

You know, some people think when you find out God's plan for you it's all ponies and rainbows and glitter.

That's definitely not been the case here.

Jesus has been breaking me down, showing me all the things about myself that need to be refined or renewed or purified. I got back to school thinking that all would be well- I would start my new major, go back to hanging out with my friends, talk about Thailand some more, the usual, ya know?

Ha, I was very mistaken.

I have been forced to stop declaring theatre as my identity. I have held this identity for about 8 years, ever since I started theatre when I was in 5th grade. I've always found my niche there, I've always felt comfortable there.

I forgot an important thing though; as Christians, we are not called to be comfortable. Jesus never promised us comfort, He never said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Light, oh AND the nice apartment you want with the flatscreen TV, complete with Blu-Ray player."

If you have that version in your mind, its the wrong one.

But if we are not comfortable- if we are being refined and purified and being broken down in order to look more like our PERFECT creator, wouldn't we celebrate in our battles? Sing during our different struggles in life?

I know I am having a hard time finding the joy in struggle, but we do not have to do this ourselves. We were not built to do life alone. A creator does not create something, only to leave it to depreciate and fall apart.

Even though I am having to switch my identity from theatre to Jesus, and it is HARD, I know for a fact that it is what God wants. If this change to my life will bring me closer to my Savior, then bring it on. My Savior is with me every day, and that is enough.

He is enough, no matter what. Always, always, ALWAYS enough.

Where do I begin?

As many of you know, I spent the last two months of my summer in Clarkston hanging out with God and refugees. I don't really know how to explain how the last 2 months went, but I'll give it my best shot.

Clarkston is the most diverse square mile in America. Just in the apartment complex I was living in, my neighbors consisted of Nepalis, Iraqis, Sudanese, Burmese, and a ton of other nationalities that I can't remember. The summer camp I was helping out at as well had kids from Eretrea, Kenya, Somalia, Sudan,Vietnam, Thailand, Guinea, and Burma.

Needless to say, I'm back home and all my neighbors are white and its SO WEIRD.

Anyways, for the last two months, I have been poured into by amazing spiritual leaders and missionaries who have given their lives to reach the 6,900 unreached people groups in the world. That's a lot of people. If you go onto joshuaproject.com, you can learn more about the different people groups around the world who are considered unreached. I would recommend checking the site out, it is an awesome resource.

As the team was going through debriefing and kind of evaluating the summer, one of our leaders was telling us that culture shock would probably happen.

Yeah, it's happening.

God has done such amazing things in Clarkston, and it's so hard to leave my fellow interns and the different refugee families and kids that I have gotten to know. But I do know this- God is not just the God of Clarkston. He is the God of Suwanee and of Thailand and of Sudan and of every single aspect of the universe. He is God and He is here with me.

It's going to take me a while to process this summer and to work through all God has been doing in my heart, but I can tell you that I am not the same person I was two months ago. God has done a great work in me. He has beautifully wrecked my life and I will gladly accept pain if it means growing closer to my God and Savior.

During our last days in Clarkston, we made a list of all the people we made pretty good relationships with over the course of two months. The number came out to 102 people. With God, 18 people were able to love on 102 people.

God is so cool, guys. He will use you, He will show His glory- all we have to do is abide in Him and be obedient to His commands.

Clarkston gave me just a peek at how passionate God is about the unreached people who have no clue who their creator is, or how much they are loved by such a magnificent Savior.

So, I am changing my major. God really convicted my heart this summer about my future, so I will be moving away from Theatre as my focus in school. Instead, I will be moving toward majoring in something along the lines of Sociology and International Studies. I believe God is calling me to Thailand for full time missions, in whatever capacity He sees fit.

Thank you all for keeping up with my journey this summer in Clarkston. I hope you will be praying for the unreached, and keep abiding in Him!

Just Because

My day was pretty cool today, so I decided to write about it.

This morning, I woke up, and the sun was shining and birds were chirping and coffee was brewing and it was just a solid,rad morning. Then we had worship and prayer as a team for little bit. I freaking love worship in the mornings, it just starts the day off right, amirite?

We had a short term group in just for the day today, so we took them on a tour of Clarkston. It's literally one square mile, so that didn't take too long. Then we had more team stuff to do, which then ended in the short term group pairing off with our interns and going to visit families in the community for a little bit.

My group decided to go see our friends from Sudan. To our surprise, the family we intended on going to see was already hanging out with the family I help teach english to. So, we hung out with them. One of the short term team members that was with us is actually learning Arabic, so the three ladies we were hanging out with had a BLAST talking about Arabic with him. I mentioned to Noal, one of the Sudanese moms, that I wish I knew Arabic. She scolded me saying, "You're all talk, you say you want to learn but you do not!"

WELL THEN. Maybe I will learn. Totally true of her though, I haven't learned a whole lot of Arabic. Someday, someday it will happen. Mark my words.

Anywhooo, after that we went to visit a Cuban refugee family after some other friends weren't home. They were the sweetest old couple you have ever seen. The wife came to the door, and after we jogged her memory a little bit, she remembered seeing Hannah(one of the people in our group today) a couple of weeks before. Her husband and her quickly ushered us in, and were so excited that we were there. Thankfully the three other people I was with knew Spanish pretty well.

I attempted to say a few things in spanish, and that just didn't work too well. Oh well. It went something like this..

"Hola!"
"Soy Bonita!" Grace. That means 'I am pretty.' Awk. Definitely meant YOU are pretty.
And then I managed to say "chair of grandma" rather than "wheelchair." I'm good at languages, yes?

They gave us Cuban coffee, and the husband quickly decided that we would teach him English and he would teach us Spanish. We had to leave his house earlier than we all would have liked, but we are for sure coming back to his house soon. He actually is having heart surgery on Thursday, so please keep him in your prayers. He's 80, and has 5 children back in Cuba. He and his wife have only been here about 2 months.

So yeah, God is good all the time and today was just awesome. It still amazes me that in Clarkston it's possible to go from a Nepali house, to a Sudanese house, to a Cuban house all in one day.

Thanks for reading my blog guys, I hope you are encouraged by what God is doing in Clarkston!

life is weird

I have NO idea what I am doing with my life, but it's really okay.

Because God has every idea about what He wants me to do with the life He has given me. Whether I am supposed to be living in the slums of Thailand, or I am supposed to be living in England or Brazil or even the Arctic, I do not have to worry.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

This is a verse I have heard over and over again, but quickly discounted it as one of those verses that people say to you when they don't have a specific response to what you are going through.

But the more I look at this verse and tear it apart, the more truth it reveals. God, the Lord of all creation and the Lord who specifically made me in my mother's womb, has mapped out my entire life.

My life is not mine, and that is totally fine with me. I have seen the results of what happens when I try to live my life with my own strength and it isn't pretty. I have no idea what the Lord has for me, but I know that He is good and He has planned for me the most amazing life possible.

He has made plans to give me "a future and a hope", not "a life full of turmoil and unrest".

In Him, I have nothing to worry about. He is enough for every day, and His presence in my life is the only guiding light I need.

Now, I'm not saying that life won't be hard. It will be; everyone has their struggles. But with Jesus, I no longer have the fear of not knowing what each day will bring.

I know in American culture, when someone asks you what you want to do with your life, you are supposed to respond with a 5 year plan of sorts. You're supposed to know what you want to do for the rest of your life at 18.

Well, I know for me that I have absolutely NO idea where I will be in 5 years. But the unknown is not meant to be frightening- it is meant to be exciting. Life is not supposed to be spent worrying about the future.

My Lord has the best for me- all I have to do is trust and obey.

Underrated

*This picture isn't really relevant to this post, but this little boy's name is Ehab and I love him and so here he is*

Anyways..

So this week is just a little different.

We don’t have a short term team coming in, and we aren’t teaching ESL in the afternoons either.

Instead, we are reaching out to an apartment complex in Clarkston called Woodland Village. Today, we learned about prayer walking in training and how we were going to prayer walk around Woodland Village. You wouldn’t think that there would be much happening during a prayer walk, but God has a tendency to surprise us in our doubts.

Our entire team broke up into groups of three and started to prayer walk around different areas of the complex. Just to give you a picture of this complex, it is not as run down as others in Clarkston, and many of the apartments look well kept. However, it is a largely unreached complex, so we walked around to pray for the residents who were in bondage to different stuff in their lives. 

After one lap, my team and I started talking to a group of young adult guys. When we asked where they were from, they said Thailand (I learned later they were probably refugees from Burma who were born and raised in a refugee camp in Thailand, but still placed their identity in their people group from Burma). They asked us why we were there, and we said that we were praying over the community in the name of Jesus. 

They then said they knew Jesus; excited, we asked them a question: if they had one miracle they wanted Jesus to do, what would it be?

The ringleader of the group, Kato (?) said, “For Jesus to forgive our sin.”

The three of us looked at each other for a second. “He does forgive sins, He has already done that!” we tried to explain.

They said we should come back and see them, and we plan to.

This is just one of many stories from our prayer adventure today. We walked around the complex, beseeching, begging the Lord for these people’s hearts. There is such a great harvest and the workers are few, but we are not the reason for any success- God is.

He is the reason every one of our groups had an encounter with someone in this complex- whether they were invited into a home, were able to share the Gospel, or, like one group, they were able to befriend a couple from Cuba.

All of these events occurred because of the One who allows and plans all things.

Prayer is absolutely vital to any success in spreading His name.

Are you comfortable?

Comfort, a term so familiar we sleep with it nestled right under our judgement each night.

We forget that with our comfort comes a responsibility, and with this responsibility comes a fight;

Not only can we turn and run, but we can turn to the truth and the light.

A lie so true all of the nations believe it, why leave home when I can't help but need it?

Need it and all of its nuances, its features and upgrades, when all we are actually called to do is go to  all others and preach His graceful name.

How dare we ignore this loving command, how dare we turn our eyes when other lands turn to sand.

For we are a chosen people, not just by blood or by plight,

We are chosen by the Creator, the Lord, the Lamb, the God of all, both day and night.

The fashion nowadays is a coffee cup full of Jesus put on instagram just to please us, but come on, let me tell you- 

the Gospel was not spread by Paul in the back of a Starbucks, sippin' on a chai latte mixed with apathy and fear.

No, no, no the way of the Lord is for all of us to draw closer and to follow His plan for the kingdom, in which He doesn't technically have to include us.

So I guess my question is, why waste my life on myself if it wasn't mine to begin with?